Why Better Communication Starts With Exact Words

In 2024, I had a conversation with a friend that completely shifted how I communicate, not just with my kids, but with everyone.

We were talking about why so many people struggle to compromise, collaborate, or even get along. His answer was simple, and honestly, uncomfortable in the best way.

He explained that he was taught as a child to be very intentional with his words. The goal was to eliminate miscommunication as much as possible. The problem is that most people are never taught this skill. Some of us learn it later in life out of necessity, and many never learn it at all.

He pointed out something that stuck with me. Most people use words that do not actually express what they mean.

Shortly after that conversation, I heard a life coach say something that connected all the dots for me. People often listen to debate, not to understand.

That sentence alone explained years of communication challenges I had experienced in personal and professional relationships.

Once I became aware of this, I started being far more intentional with my language, especially during uncomfortable conversations. And let me be clear, this is work. It is not easy. We are creatures of habit, and many of our communication habits are poorly formed and deeply ingrained.

What made the biggest difference was realizing that better communication is not just a personal practice. It is something we have to model and, at times, gently teach the people around us.

I started having these conversations with my kids and close friends. Every time I explained the importance of using accurate words and listening to understand, not to react or win, the response was the same. They recognized that they, too, had room to improve.

One common misunderstanding comes up every time I talk about this. When I say “listen to understand,” people assume I mean “listen to agree.” That is not what it means at all.

You can fully understand someone’s perspective and still disagree with it. Understanding creates clarity. Agreement is a separate choice.

This distinction matters, especially when dealing with difficult people, including bullies. Using precise language helps reduce unnecessary escalation and prevents misunderstandings from turning into full-blown conflict.

It also forces us to slow down and think. Sometimes it even sends us to look up word definitions, which, yes, improves vocabulary and emotional intelligence at the same time.

We often say things out of habit that feel harmless but can actually be misleading or dismissive. A perfect example is when someone says, “Oh, that’s so funny. I was just going to say that.”

Most of the time, nothing about that moment is funny.

What we really mean is something else entirely. We might mean, “That’s ironic,” or “That’s a coincidence.”

Choosing the correct word matters more than we think.

Clear communication builds trust. Vague communication breeds frustration. And for our kids, the way we model communication becomes the blueprint for how they advocate for themselves, handle conflict, and navigate relationships for the rest of their lives.

My hope is that this encourages you to pause, reflect, and consider how more intentional language could strengthen your relationships at home, at work, and everywhere in between.

Call to Action

If this resonated with you and you want support navigating tough conversations, conflict, or bullying situations, I can help.

I offer parent workshops, school trainings, and one-on-one consultations focused on communication, advocacy, and bullying prevention.

Visit DaliTalks.com to explore resources, book a session, or listen to an episode of The DaliTalks Podcast, where we go deeper into real conversations that help families thrive.

Clear words create safer spaces. Let’s start there.