When a child bullies another child, our first instinct is often to focus on the behavior itself. The name-calling. The exclusion. The aggression. We want it stopped, and rightfully so.

But what if we asked a different question first? What if, before we addressed what the child did, we asked what the child was feeling and whether they even had the words to tell us?

Marcelle Waldman, certified teacher, founder of FeelLinks, and Teen Wise coach, joined the DaliTalks Podcast this week and said something that stopped me in my tracks. When kids cannot name what they are feeling, they act it out instead.

That one sentence reframes everything.

Emotional illiteracy and bullying

Bullying behaviors do not appear out of nowhere. They grow in environments where emotions go unnamed, unvalidated, and unprocessed. A child who has never been taught to identify frustration, fear, jealousy, or shame does not suddenly find healthy ways to express those feelings when they show up at full force on a Tu...

The One Skill Nobody Taught Us (That Changes Everything)

Most of us grew up learning how to speak. How to argue. How to present. How to debate.

Nobody taught us how to listen.

And that gap, quiet as it is, costs us more than we realize. In our relationships. In our parenting. In our workplaces. In the moments that matter most.

I sat down recently with Deb Porter, founder of Hold Hearing Out Life Drama and a professional listener, and what she shared stayed with me long after we stopped recording.

Listening Is a Profession. And There's a Reason for That.

Deb did not set out to become a professional listener. She studied divinity, worked at a funeral home, and one ordinary afternoon while folding towels, a thought landed: what if it's just about listening?

She built an entire business from that moment.

Not therapy. Not coaching. Listening.

The distinction matters. There is a massive group of people, and you probably know some of them, who are not in crisis. They are not looking ...

In 2024, I had a conversation with a friend that completely shifted how I communicate, not just with my kids, but with everyone.

We were talking about why so many people struggle to compromise, collaborate, or even get along. His answer was simple, and honestly, uncomfortable in the best way.

He explained that he was taught as a child to be very intentional with his words. The goal was to eliminate miscommunication as much as possible. The problem is that most people are never taught this skill. Some of us learn it later in life out of necessity, and many never learn it at all.

He pointed out something that stuck with me. Most people use words that do not actually express what they mean.

Shortly after that conversation, I heard a life coach say something that connected all the dots for me. People often listen to debate, not to understand.

That sentence alone explained years of communication challenges I had experienced in personal and professional relationships.

Once I became awa...

What did you believe about bullies when you were growing up?

I will be honest. Before I began researching bullying deeply, I believed that kids who bullied others were simply not being parented well.

I know. Judgy.

I assumed they were mirroring behavior they saw at home or copying an older sibling or family member. I thought bullies were just “bad kids” who enjoyed making others miserable.

And no one ever challenged that belief.
No one ever talked to me about bullying or the kids behind the behavior.

What I have learned since then completely changed my perspective.

Bullies Are Still Kids Who Are Learning

The truth is this.
Children who bully are still children.

They are not defined by their behavior. They are often kids who have not yet learned how to manage big emotions, navigate stress, or cope with hurt in healthy ways.

That does not excuse the behavior.
But it does change how we respond to it.

Not all children bully for the same reasons. Some act out because they are overwhe...