Choosing Distance From Toxic Family Relationships During the Holidays

There is a quiet truth many people carry, especially during the holidays. Not everyone gathers with every branch of their family tree. Not everyone feels safe or loved in the spaces that are supposed to feel like home. And not everyone is willing to keep pretending.

Years ago, I made a decision that most people avoid at all costs. I chose to cut off certain family members. It was not impulsive. It was not based on pressure. It was not done out of anger. It was a decision that took years of wrestling, grieving, analyzing patterns, and asking myself what kind of life I wanted to create for my own children.

Whenever someone learns that I do not speak to my mother, the reaction is almost immediate. People apologize as if I am broken. They ask whether I have tried to make amends. They assume I have not forgiven her. They suggest that forgiveness is the missing key to my happiness, as if I am carrying unresolved resentm...

One of the most stressful parts of gift-giving holidays for me has always been shopping. I’m unsure if the reason behind my stress is because I think very practically about spending money or because I don’t like shopping. The act of shopping has always given me anxiety. 

Too many things and too many choices seem like a heavy burden for me. It truly kills the joy out of trying to gift someone something special. As I said, it might just be me, but I feel like the push for me to spend money is so prevalent and strong that I’m turned off to gifting. 

Can you relate? I’m sure I can’t be the only one to feel this way.

One of my main goals is for my children to not grow up to expect gifts for holidays or special days or to think that those events are all about gifts. 

It’s important for me that my children understand that the material things aren’t the main focus of any celebration and when I’ve tried to do a non-gift event, someone in the family always gives them a present because it fee...